When You Say Nothing At All

Today my phone decided to break. Ugh. So frustrating to text people and find that it isn't sending me return text messages. Oh well. So for most of the day I was sure that my phone had deleted all 600+ photos from my phone and all hundreds of music files. But tonight after an evening with widowed friends, suddenly everything reappeared. I'm grateful. Now if they'll just stay until I can get to the store to get it saved during the next couple days.

I checked my music files and was so happy to see all my missing music suddenly back where it belonged. The song that showed up was Allison Krauss's "When You Say Nothing At All." It is still interesting to me how certain lines from music somehow connect me with Adam. I can feel him with me. I can't really explain that feeling.

I have gone through a weird period where I somehow feel lately like it makes more sense for me to stay single than otherwise. I don't know whether that is just a feeling I need to be comfortable with before I can even begin to have someone else in my life...or if I really do need to wait this whole life out on my own. I can't explain that feeling I guess.

Then there's still the moments like I had at work today where I know Adam is there. As I was sifting through literally hundreds of papers today, I found a form I was looking for and was strangely annoyed at its lack of completeness, and then let my eyes scroll to a particular doctor's signature. Instantly it was as though Adam was saying, "See. I told you." As he always thought this particular doc was...less than complete. And now I had work to clean up. So strange how it is like Adam follows me around sometimes. I know it probably sounds bizarre.

It feels good. Yet not. A coworker asked me today if I dream about Adam. I told her yes. I explained how sometimes it is comforting and other times it is like I just want to tell him to leave me alone and let me get on with life. I know he'll never totally leave me. I guess that's ok for today. I still need him to pop in periodically. We shall see when my mind changes about that.