Praying

Tonight a sweet widow is clinging to her life, in the ICU due to a diagnosis of septic shock. I feel such a strange mix of emotions about this dear woman.

She is a very good friend of my mom's. When Adam died, she sent me notes. She had been widowed not too many years before me. She knew how I felt. Only a widow can get this kind of grief, understand the longing for the love of that spouse that is lacking, and long for his presence. She knew. She knew what it felt like to simply want to be swept up and be gone. Not suicidal. But just gone, reunited with an eternal mate. We both knew.

The first Christmas after Adam died, she came to my parents' house and dropped off bucket after bucket of toys. Cool boy toys. Toys that her grandsons no longer used. She wanted my boys to be ok. And she wanted me to be ok.

Tonight I want her to be ok. To her family, I'm sure this is too soon for her to go "home." To her friends, she needs to be around longer, to be the light that she shines, to continue to share her musical talents, to be the woman of laughter and fun that she is, the spiritual giant.

It is a strange feeling to pray for her and want her to be better, yet have a deeper understanding of how she longed to be with her sweetheart too. This knowledge makes my prayers difficult.

I simply pray that the Lord's will WILL be. That His love will soften the hearts of the many who she has touched. And most importantly that her children will be strengthened. For everyone needs a mom. And a dad. And I'm sure they don't want to be without both so soon.