Like Diamonds in the Sky

And just like that, things "feel" right. I have to bask in this moment a little longer tonight. I need to write, lest I forget it. How quickly, SO quickly I forget. I hate that.

I have stressed about today for a very long time. I emailed the realtor who helped us when we bought this house. Or rather, I wrote him a very long email right before heading out the door last week, right before work. I hit "send" and the email deleted--it wouldn't go through and I couldn't recover my email. I was so sad and mad, and I headed off to work. The next day (when we had a snow day) I called this realtor and left him a message. I wasn't sure if he'd remember me from when we bought our house. Adam had just received word that he "matched" here in Omaha for his internal medicine year and subsequent radiology residency. I had just gotten my first job after nursing school and was working nights at the hospital. And we had little Justin. He was three. Wow, how life can change--completely--in 6 years.

I wasn't sure if Charlie would've known what happened to Adam. I wasn't sure if he watched the news. I mean, I don't have near as much time to pay attention to local happenings now that I'm working--so I am well aware that many have never heard of "us"--why would he?! It's logical.

When I left the message on his phone, I didn't say anything about the lack of Adam, my widowhood, etc. I only tried to jog his memory and mention that he sold us this home in this neighborhood years ago.

So the realtor called back. And it was the first thing he mentioned and he said how sorry he was. He said he was tearing up. He knew.

I had him over tonight to walk through our house. I don't think I've been this nervous about our house. Ever. I have three little monkeys who have been un-doing every bit of work I have been trying to attempt. But I worked steadily through the snow days and weekend and (except for my garage, which will be tackled this weekend) somehow with the Lord's help, I got this house ready. I staged it. I pared it down to the bare bones. I cleaned the basement and all the rooms. I thought I was going to jump off a cliff last night, as I was losing hope that it was possible, but I did it.

No. We did it. I have no doubt that I had help from the other side.

I met with this realtor and I knew over the course of our hour-long discussion that he was the right choice. I am grateful for the peace I feel. Finally some peace. I was starting to wonder if it would ever come.

As I was sitting down reading the boys their story and then telling them their daddy story tonight, we ended up with a discussion that touched my heart. I was telling them about what daddy wanted for them to be happy--to have the space to grow and run and be the best little boys that they can be, to learn all that they can, to love the Lord, and to serve others as Christ would. Spencer stopped during this discussion and told me that my friend told him that there are streets made of gold in heaven. This made me smile. I asked the boys what is more important than all the gold in the world, more important to me than golden streets in heaven. They thought about this for a moment, and then I told Spencer that our family and the ability to be together forever, sealed together forever, is more important to me than all the gold in heaven. The boys liked this and then Carson piped up "Diamonds?" I told him that yes, more important than diamonds. But then I realized that in a way we are very much like diamonds. This brought one more thought to my mind.

I heard an analogy Sunday that has been brought to mind mind several times since I heard it. It clearly was what I needed to hear at church. A woman at church brought up the idea of pressure--the amount of pressure and patience and time that is required to make diamonds. SO. Much. Pressure. I am learning that so much in our lives is just that--the refining fire that creates diamonds. We probably won't recognize the process and completely understand the change that is occurring, but I pray that the end result will be diamonds. For us individually, as eternal companions, as companions on earth, and as families. Somehow we will be diamonds someday. I just have to endure the pressures and stop periodically to glance at the progress that we are making.