After a terrible evening and night with the kids (I'm not using curse words here, so that's putting it mildly to say the least), I think I've come up with a "better" solution that our lawmakers need to inact on the books. I mean, moms know more about appropriate punishment for bad behavior, right? Well, I've come up with the perfect solution, the perfect torture for the defendant--appropriate punishment.
Sleep deprivation. No, not just a little sleep deprivation either--I mean not letting him sleep. At all. Until death--isn't that what happens if we don't get enough sleep, we just die? Because our bodies need sleep? There's definitely a reason that we were designed to sleep 1/3 of our lives--because it's a physical NEED, right?
Now, I've had 3 children. I know all about new baby sleep deprivation--it's AWFUL. Downright terrible. Especially after giving birth and all the trauma that ensues on a woman's body. But this whole new world of sleep deprivation that I've come across is in a realm all its own. TOTALLY not like anything else. My baby who, before the crash, was truly the BEST baby in terms of sleep. Adam and I oohed and ahhed over his amazing sleep at night (not exactly during the day though) because who can complain about a baby that sleeps 7-8 hours in a row since about 2 1/2 weeks old? NO ONE. And we didn't. Adam and I were amazed and figured we were being blessed since Spencer was (IS) terrible with sleeping. I now tend to adopt the idea that I was being prepared for the TRULY terrible to come.
Starting the night of the crash, in the hospital, Carson stopped his lovely sleeping. He started waking up several times a night and not going back to sleep unless eating. Tired me gave in, and now I've created (NO. Scratch that. I didn't. The idiot who caused this mess did. Let me rephrase...HE created) a monster. The problem with him waking up is that he and Spencer take turns waking each other up. Spencer refuses to go to sleep at night, which in turn Justin doesn't go to sleep. And then Spencer sometimes wakes up screaming and crying which wakes up Carson. And THEN the nighttime routine. Every night, when we used to call it "Daddy and Mommy Time" and it's now "Mommy Time"--Mommy Time is totally and completely non-existant. I get NO time to myself. Spencer sleeps in my bed when after (about 4 hours) of attempting to get him to sleep he runs into my bed. It's a nightmare--literally and figuratively. So none of us sleep. If we get a bit of sleep it's laden with weird dreams and nightmares for all of us. Mine consist of bizarre people showing up in my dreams, Justin's are all over the place, Spencer usually talks about scary robots in his dreams.
SO. Instead of giving offenders "life in prison" (or in the case of the perpetrator, his token 20-30 years which maybe will be only 1-2 in jail)--I firmly believe instead they should not be permitted to sleep. NOT. NO. SLEEP. It's only "fair"--I mean, I don't get to sleep and my kids don't sleep so why should he get methadone, vicodin, and then likely a nice happy ambien to rest his cares from the world. For sure. We don't get magic medicine. No magic wand. Nothing.
Can you tell I'm angry? Oh yeah, and SLEEP DEPRIVED!!! It's NOT FAIR. Not fair that that lowlife scum is still living and can't possibly burn here in this life for what he's done--he should at least get THAT on top of eternal punishment. Our justice system can't possibly punish him for what he's done--there is no recompense for all. Yeah yeah, "He'll get his in the next life" is what I've been told a thousand times over. Yet that doesn't make me feel better RIGHT NOW. It doesn't. I'm tired. And really angry that I'm so tired. I should be looking forward to my 11th wedding anniversary next month with my husband. Instead. I'm not.
He just needs to suffer 3 1/2 months of sleep deprivation. Plus we'll add on the other 8 years of sleep deprivation for good behavior. He could choose death instead, I'm sure he'd rather go for that than experience sleep deprivation.
I would love to be doped up and in his position, really. I've thought a million times how much better it would've been for all of us really if he'd died in the crash. I wouldn't have someone to direct my anger towards because he'd be dead and Heavenly Father would then just get to deal with him. But he didn't. It's unfortunate for my sanity.
I'm tired.
7 comments:
You are tired and that is something I will be more specific about in my prayers for you. It isn't fair and I hope you can get some rest in the near future- some sleep at least.
Melissa, I'm praying for sleep for you, too. Would you consider letting all 3 of the boys sleep over at our house for a night? I would love to help you in some way - I know you need to hold them close right now, but you also really need some sleep. One night may not help much, but it might help a little. It isn't fair, you're right. Love you!
Sounds "fair" to me. I am going to be more specific about sleep in my prayers for your family too. xo
Amen girl! I'm sure we could come up with some other solutions as well... Please take Shannon up on her offer, even if it's just the 2 oldest. Prayers and love your way. I've been thinking a lot about you recently and how the next 2 months are going to be rough - holidays, anniversary, your birthday... I'm going to be thinking of you. I'd love to give you a call sometime. Email me your number when you get a chance...
Yes, I was going to tell you the same thing as Laura. Take Shannon up on her offer. One night won't be enough, but it'll help for sure.
Hi Melissa,
You don't know me, my uncle Larry sent me your link. He thought it might be helpful. Six years ago this coming Dec. I lost my oldest daughter to cancer almost 6 months ago my amazing healthy husband died of a heart attack in his sleep at the age of 34. I am not at all comparing what I am going through with what you are going through because their is no comparison. I can only imagine the intensity of your anger and rightly so. I know the grief of losing my daughter and my husband and that is different from your grief losing your husband and the dramatic change in your life. I have three amazing children I am blessed to raise 10, 7 & almost 2. It has been very difficult being a single mom and working with my kids through their grief and fears as well as separation anxiety, I can't imagine adding the trauma and nightmares on top of it. I have been sleep deprived for a good part of the last 5 months. I remember talking to my bishop about just being so tired, just so physically and emotionally tired that I felt like every step was a bag of cement instead of my legs. In the blessing he gave me he asked that I be able to sleep and my prayers are that Heavenly Father is able to give me the energy and ability to think beyond what I am able to do due to sleep deprivation. I am grateful for the Lord's help.
I would have friends offer to come over during the day and watch the kids so I could sleep or stay the night and take care of the kids so I could sleep. It was very kind but I could never take them up on it. I still wouldn't be able to sleep. I wish I could say something that would help you sleep but I can't. I agree with you. The person who took your husbands life should feel your pain and sorrow as well as your kids and be sleep deprived. If people were able to receive that kind of a punishment less drunk driving would happen. I also understand how knowing he will be punished in the next life doesn't help you in the here and now. We are living in this life not the life to come and it is really hard sometimes to merge the two together when we are here now living. I am not sure what my purpose is in writing this other then to let you know that I agree with you and although I don't completely understand everything you are going through I do understand a little. I will keep you and your children in my prayers.
Mandy
I know it might not work- but I just wanted to offer- if you want we could TRY to see if Spencer and Chloe and I could play together while you take a nap- sometime when Carson is sleeping?? I would love to have him at our house and we could do a fun Christmas craft or something- and you could go home and nap with Carson - or we could come to your house and do something quietly together while you sleep.
I am availible M, T & Th after 4, and W,F, SAT, SUN all day! Any time... if it ever could work- I would LOVE to help you get a nap- if it is possible. We could even make it a regular thing. Chloe gets so lonely being an only child. It would be no hassle- it would be good for us! Just wanted to throw that out there. I'll be praying you get some sleep too.
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