Today's Random Thoughts

Sort of random anyway.

SO Greatful for Ame taking up our gingerbread house (we finished it last night) to the Trail Center today.  It turned out as it needed to, complete with a picture of Adam in the house.  The boys (mostly Justin) put a lot of thought into it (along with me of course).  I think my favorite comment was from Spencer as he stared at the loot of candy that was on our kitchen table in preparation to making our house:  "WHOA.  This is ALL of Daddy's favorite candies Mom!!!"

Greatful and Thankful for my work friend Stacy who brought over TEN prepared freezer meals that she and her friends from her church made.  I've ALWAYS wanted to do one of those swaps, maybe someday I'll be able to swap with those girls.  Ohh, I'm so excited to have those, they'll be SO handy.  Such sweet, generous, thoughtful ladies.  And Stacy's kids were so cute, I'm so glad they could come over today.

Spencer has been bugging me all day today, asking to "go to preschool" and to "go swimming."  Maybe I'll have to chat with my preschool mom friends, the doc said Spencer NEEDS time away from me in preschool.  She's right (as much as it breaks my heart, a bit).

Carson pulled himself up to a standing position for the first time yesterday.  I wish I could stunt his growth.  It's just not fair that I don't get to hear Adam oooh and ahhh over all the changes this baby makes.

Darn Taylor Swift and Boys Like Girls.  Their song "Two is Better Than One"  makes me upset and makes me cry.  EVERYTIME  I hear it.  I heard it in the airport when we were leaving Fresno after burying Adam.  My mom was sitting with me.  I told her "This song was on Jon and Alyson's wedding movie."  She then started to listen to the words.  I started an ugly cry to which I got up and walked across the airport so no one could hear my blubbering.  Why is it that sometimes seemingly cheesy music just gets to me.  And then also today I was hearing the Dixie Chicks song "Not Ready to Make Nice" and I thought to myself that THAT'S an understatement.  I don't know/understand/can't comprehend how someone forgives someone from being so wronged before.  And I've been wronged with some pretty big things in the past.  But THIS is on a TOTALLY different level.

And before I possibly get comments about forgiveness...Here are my thoughts.  I LOVE that forgiveness is something that is personal for ME and the LORD.  And ONLY us.  ONLY.  I love that I can ignore all the idiotic mail that I get from strangers that tell me to forgive and to "heal my angry heart."  How stupid people are sometimes.  And that's one of those things that after MUCH time hopefully will come.  But for now I get to be angry and NOT forgive ANYONE--I'm allowed.  JMD or his client--neither one get that from me right now.  It's interesting.  I need to break out "Miracle of Forgiveness" again to read I'm sure.  But not yet.  And that's my business.  I love THAT.

Tired of stupid dreams.  Or just creepy ones.  But mostly just tired.  Need sleep.  Tired of insomniac kids that force insomniac behavior out of me.  Tired of sharing my bed with 2 of 3 kids.  But I haven't been peed on this week, thankfully.  Ugh.  Tired of hearing of Spencer's dreams of monsters.  He's talked about them every morning for several days in a row.  They (the monsters) need to go.  Big time.

Spencer just ran down the stairs with a memory.  "Dad took me to fossils.  To look at teeth.  After we went camping."  He's telling me about the dinosaurs using toothbrushes.  And he was making such sense there for a minute.  It pains me how fuzzy memories are getting already for him.  I NEED people to write down more of their memories/interactions of Adam and send them to me before their (or YOUR) memories fade.  Fading happens quicker than we realize!!!