Gethsemane

Do you ever just wake up with something on your mind, something you can't quite get rid of? That's what has happened this morning. I'm hoping my posting it on here will...set it free and let my mind be at ease. Crossing my fingers.

So three different thoughts.

The first comes from something a man who I met at the WW Conference said to a group of us who were sitting at his table for one of the dinners. It was this thought that I woke up thinking about and have stewed about ever since:

We were enjoying the conference, enjoying the fact that we were in company of others who just "knew" what we were going through, all the crazy, sad, mad, injustices we all felt about losing our spouses. And then Ben said, "And to think, that out there in the world, at this very moment, there are people who will lose their spouse in the next year and they don't even know it. They don't have a clue what they are about to endure. Some of those people will be at this conference next year." We all sighed a collective sigh. We all knew it was indeed a very real truth. A REALLY disturbing truth. Oh, how we wished we could shelter others from this experience, to somehow be able to stop these future occurances. It's just awful.

I had thought about it before, about the "what ifs" of others that I know losing a spouse, but the way he phrased it brought it down on a different level. It's one of those things that I just HATE. It breaks my heart.

As a sidelight, this same man who mentioned this lost his wife and 2 of his 4 children in a car crash. Ugh. Terrible.

I read yesterday that in the U.S. only 1.7% of people die at Adam's age. It was a chart that itemized out the ages of people when they die. I get really mad thinking about that statistic. It's just ridiculous!

The second train of thought this morning has been on my "statement" to the court. It's coming together, especially in my head (I need to work at that whole "getting it down on paper/computer" part better). But, I still don't know how I can possibly summarize my loss in a couple pages. It just seems so trite, so....I don't know, not expressive enough? So...ridiculous. Really frustrating.

The third (and final) thought is a good thought. I think it is trying to get the ugly out of my head today, which is nice that there's an attempt. It's actually a song that I can't get out of my head this morning, I've been humming it all morning. One of my friends and her family are going to sing it at church on Sunday (Easter Sunday) if she doesn't have her baby early. My selfishness hopes that she won't have the baby early because I think the music is beautiful and the words are very expressive. In searching online for the words today, I also found that someone put the song and beautiful artwork to match on youtube so I'll link that too:

Gethsemane

from Stories of Jesus by Melanie and Roger Hoffman

Jesus climbed the hill to the garden still,
His steps were heavy and slow.
Love and a prayer took him there,
To the place only he could go.

CHORUS
Gethsemane.
Jesus loves me.
So he went willingly,
To Gethsemane.

He felt all that was sad, wicked, or bad,
All the pain we would ever know.
While his friends were asleep, he fought to keep,
His promise made long ago.

CHORUS
Gethsemane.
Jesus loves me.
So he went willingly,
To Gethsemane.

The hardest thing that ever was done,
The greatest pain that ever was known,
The biggest battle that ever was won,
This was done by Jesus!
The fight was won by Jesus!

CHORUS
Gethsemane.
Jesus loves me.
So he gave his gift to me,
In Gethsemane.

Gethsemane.
Jesus loves me.
So he gives his gift to me,
From Gethsemane.