They really stink. They are the Lord's day--but they were mine and Adam's days too. Our days to reconnect. I lived for Sundays. Now I loathe them. By the time Sunday afternoon rolls around, I'm done being a mom. I'm done breaking up fights, giving children time outs, and my house is trashed. It's like hell explodes. I'm beyond exhausted by Sunday night.
As such, I will say it. I don't care anymore. My closest friends know it, so why not write it on here? I don't want to stay single forever, to endure Sundays alone for the rest of my earthly life. No. Moving closer to family is not a solution to this gaping hole in my heart--it isn't simply or 'only' about parenting alone and about my kids. I want to love again. I want a companion, a partner who will help me get through this life. One who has the same feeling I do on the subject. Someone who understands that I am sealed to Adam and will always be his eternal mate, yet someone who is ok with being married "for time" and helping me raise Adam's and my babies--to get us through to the next life. It's a tall order, tough shoes to fill--not replace by any means, but help fill. Someone who gets the crap I've gone through. The crap that I endured in my marriage, and through being a student doctor's wife. And of course all the traumatic aftermath of the crash. One who understands Adam's place in my heart and the hearts of our boys. I could go on and on, but it's Sunday and I'm overly emotional and just D-O-N-E. So I will stop. This should suffice.
Did I mention that I hate Sundays? I hope someday to love them again. But today, I'm skeptical that that will ever happen. I miss my sweetie and I'm tired of hurting. Ugh.
3 comments:
I love you Melissa. I wish so much that I could hug you right now. I know it isn't the same. But I love you and I miss you. Please feel free to call me if you want to vent or need an ear to listen without speaking. I don't care what time it is - Deb Walters
You will love sundays again someday. You're still so young.. and you are such a gorgeous, fun and amazing girl..I'm sure you'll have no trouble whatsoever getting men. ;) I'll pray that you find someone. And I'll keep my eyes peeled....:)man, I wish you lived closer. I'd love to be your date night sitter.:) If you ever wanna move to utah, I'd love to help with you your little ones. It'd be easier to set you up on a dates that way too. :) well cute girl, hang in there. I think you'll be surprised at how life works out. bad things happen but so do really good things. And I have a feeling your story is going to be one of those happily ever after endings. And anyone deserves one of those, it's you. I'm sure nobody will ever fill Adam's shoes and I'm sure it will be so different but I'm sure he'll be wonderful too. Keep us posted on any new developments.... :) praying for you. love you melissa. -ashley phillips
Melissa, I know it offers you no comfort, nor would I ever expect it to, but you are in my thoughts and prayers often. My heart still hurts ever so much for you and I wish there was something I could do to soothe an ache you never should have been burdened with. Its been probably 15 years since we have seen each other but please know that if ever you need something I can provide, I would be grateful to you if you would just ask. I never have the right words to reply to your posts, but I read every one and smile with you on your good days and cry for you on your bad.
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