Books

I have a pile of books that I have been reading, a bit at a time. I'm finally reaching my "fed up" point with these books and am attempting to focus and finish just one. I have only read two books cover to cover since the crash--"No Time For Goodbyes" and "I'm Grieving as Fast as I Can." Both of these have been wonderful resources for me. I've studied the Book of Mormon, elements of the Old Testament and New Testament, and the Doctrine and Covenants. I guess I'm in the midst of reading more non-spiritual books right now, looking for a different set of "help" per se.

I have been working on reading "Widowed" by the famed psychologist Dr. Joyce Brothers. Last night I finally got to the meat of the book, where I finally said, "Yes. This is why many days I identify with "old" widows so much more than people my age." It has been a really annoying reality that somehow "old widows" get what I'm going through on a different level. A part of me wants to rage against this machine of fact and live in my nice fuzzy "but I'M not OLD!" mentality. But last night I gave in a just went with it.

She was right on. At the beginning of the book I got sort of annoyed with her whole "my husband died YOUNG at age 62" stuff, but I'm coming to understand that yes, that is young. Not 33 young but still, another decade off from where people start to even think about death's doorstep.

So I think I will actually finish this book today. My days are constantly interrupted by necessary daily business, so I generally feel like I haven't accomplished a whole lot. But I'm getting there, a bit at a time. Maybe once all the kids start sleeping again I will gain some energy. Carson was up and screamed for an hour straight last night at 2 am. I had to have Justin move into Spencer's room and sleep on the floor. Spencer came and slept in my bed (and kicked me the rest of the night). So no one slept. Not sure what is going on with Carson. He just had his ears checked so I know that isn't it. Spencer has been having nightmares and I listen, terrified for him, as he moans and has labored breathing at night. Ugh. And so I pray. For wisdom. For sleep. For sanity. For stuff to get easier. For life to go on as it needs to for all of us. Many of my friends have heard me say that if just one thing, one answer became easy or easier to determine, how it would make life better and help tremendously. Just one. One. And so I continue to pray for just one.