Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Justifiable Paranoia
I liked a term noted in a book I'm reading about young widows/widowers and grief. It mentions "justifiable paranoia." I'm glad to be justified in my paranoia a bit. One of the things I am paranoid (which I'm glad to see are "normal" since ALL my paranoias are acknowledged in this book, whew--I'm normal!!) about is what to do about wearing my wedding ring. I LOVE my wedding ring. Adam and I redid my ring last Christmas/anniversary and I love it. It means a lot of things to me besides simply loving my husband. I like it as a piece of jewelry. There are stories behind that ring that I don't want to forget. So I sort of scratch my head about it--maybe I'll just wear it forever (please don't suggest to me to put it on a necklace, etc....I already know those ideas and I don't like them). Yet, I always fear that people notice when I go "in public" and don't have my ring on for whatever reason--as though others think that I'm "out of my grief funk" or that "I've moved on" or that I'm "ready to date" or some such nonsense. I know (logically) that most people don't analyze things like this and probably don't pay any attention to my hands....or do they? I'm one of those types of observers (yes, I'll admit it) and I remember knowing others whose spouses died--and yes, I did notice when they did and didn't wear their wedding rings. Maybe I'm just weird to be that observant. But not? It's strange paranoias like this that make young widows crazy!! Does it (or should it) matter to anyone else what I'm doing/wearing/saying/thinking? NO. Emphatically NO. It shouldn't. But does it? Yes. I'm well aware of my observers. Some days I couldn't care less that I'm being watched--it's on those days that I want to run around in the streets naked just to be irritating. But some days I care a lot. So that is part of my grief--figuring out this whole world of "justifiable paranoia" and helping myself learn to chill out about stuff that doesn't (really) matter to anyone else but me. So if you see me with my rings on and off, well...it is what it is. And don't question it.
4 comments:
My grandfather passed away 10 years ago. My grandmother has dated/lived with her boyfriend for 6 years now. Last month I noticed that she wears her rings. I thought it about it for a minute, but really it's her finger, her relationship, not mine. She's happy and that's what really matters.
running in the street naked? does your book address that? because i'm thinking that would be noticed more than if you are wearing a ring or not...
;)
Just know most "observers" like myself, are simply searching for some small way to lift your burden and let you know we are there, however small or ineffective our efforts. I hope you don't feel any pressure to appease us. For the most part we are just standing around wanting to help, but not knowing how.
Well, my wedding ring is on and off too. I wonder if anyone ever thinks it's off because we aren't getting along or something like that?! I sometimes wear it and sometimes don't, I think you should be able to do the same thing.
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