List O' Stuff

I've tried to write this post several times, and failed miserably.  But I feel a sense of urgency now, like I need to do better in attempting to write this...and actually post it.  So here goes.

I have really, really REALLY weird dreams.  Nearly nightly.  Many involve friends dying, family dying, or spouses of my friends dying.  IT BUGS ME.  No.  It DISTURBS me.  Because, here's the thing.  If I truly thought there was merit to any of these dreams, I'd be telling my friends, my friends' spouses, and my family members TO DO certain things to save heartache for their spouses!  And since I'd sound like a lunatic if I went up to you and said, "You're going to die--please do such and such!" the only solution I've found is to write it on here.  That way I can say, "Well, I TRIED TO TELL YOU!" or "I'm glad you read my blog and did THAT!!!!"  That way this "little bit of crazy" is off my shoulders, so to speak--and on yours! :)

If I knew beforehand that Adam was going to die, had even a little bit of preparation, here are a few things I'd done (yes, this is going to differ from my last to-do list post of "life insurance" "computer passwords" etc.).  This is going to be more of just the emotional things I miss that I wish I had known better to have had him do, that would make me feel better now.  Some of this we did, so I do feel a bit of relief in some of this, but some of this we didn't do or I don't have or I WISH I had.

1.  I wish I had a lock of his hair.  I had just cut his hair the Sunday night before he died.  I wish I had thought to have someone go through the trash while I was at the hospital with the boys that Thursday instead of taking the trash out to the curb.  So, just cut some of your hair and put it in a baggie.  Yes, it sounds weird, but DO IT.  Or if you're fortunate to look "handsome" or "pretty" when you die, have some of it cut and saved.

2.  A widow friend told me to have a mold made of Adam's hands.  Unfortunately it was too late for me to do this when I heard this.  Make a mold of your hands.  For your kids to be able to touch, and feel you, your hands are something that are very important to all who are close to you.  Your adult, grown hands.  How I wish I had a mold of Adam's hands--for me AND the boys.

3.  I've already explained the whole value of notes in another post.  But have notes for all your family members for all the important dates that you think they'd need a written note to strengthen each of them--in your hand written handwriting.  The computer typing would be better than nothing, but handwritten is best.  It makes you seem, well, alive.

4.  Have a "real" discussion with your spouse about what you'd want for them if you died.  Besides funeral stuff, because while it's hard to make those plans, some of it is (on the totum pole) really simple as members of my church because figuring out some of those logistics really isn't too tough.  But maybe pick out two or three hymns you want sung/played (or, as my sister and I were notified this past Christmas by my mother--WHO you want to do what musical number).  The rest of the program will probably go to "chance" depending on when/where you die.  Oh and another BIG suggestion.  Something to consider.  If you end up having (as we did for Adam) a funeral, a memorial service, AND a burial/graveside service....SING THE SAME TWO/THREE SONGS AT ALL OF THE SERVICES!!!!!!!  Instead, for me now, everytime we sing one of those 7 songs at church--which happens to be QUITE frequently--they'll be forever "reminders" of my sweetheart's passing.  IT IS VERY VERY VERY DIFFICULT.  I love all of those songs too, so maybe beware of which songs you pick!!  They'll forever be sort of, well..."tainted."

5.  More on the discussion topics:  Talk about how you'd want the kids to be raised.  What specifics?  Would you want your spouse to remarry if you died?  Who to? (Not that a list helps, but it kind of makes for funny-haha moments to reflect on--it has for me anyway after our discussion the night before he died.).  Discuss who you do/don't trust with your kids or with your spouse--including which family members you do/don't trust (that's a touchy subject, but I'm glad we had that discussion).  Talk about what you would want for each other over the next 20-30+ years if the other person died.  Oh yeah, and WRITE THIS STUFF DOWN!!!  You will forget otherwise (unless you have this discussion the night before your spouse dies...which, while it happened to us--I know it's rare!!).

6.  Tell your spouse all your family stories about "things" you own.  What is your favorite posession and why?  Give an accounting for all your "favorites" in life and write them down--foods, colors, places, experiences, sports, hobbies, just life.  These things change over time of course, but it's nice to have them written down for your kids.  Adam and I had been asking each other these questions in the weeks before he died.  I need to write those down in my journal (good mental note for me now, actually).

7.  Record your voice.  Have it saying very sweet things, REAL things.  Do that on video if you feel comfortable in front of a camera, that's the best really.  I cherish the videos that I have from right before Adam died.

8.  Write down your testimony.  As much of it as you can.  For those not of my religion, write down your beliefs, your ideals, your morals.  Anything that you'd want to have passed down for future study by your children or relatives.

That's it for today.  There's a million more things that I'm sure I'll add, but that's a good start.  For all y'all that I keep dreaming about   A. Get out of my dreams and stay alive and B. Follow my heed and do some of this stuff for my piece of mind, k? :)