picture books

I'm sorting pictures tonight. I'm finally jumping in and sorting pictures for the boys' shirt books. I decided early on that I would make each of them an album of sorts that has swatches of fabric from the shirts Adam is wearing in pictures with each of the boys. It is this reason that I have been stalling on working on their quilts made from Adam's shirts....I can't cut up his shirts to put in a quilt if I don't know whether I need the shirt for their picture books. Yes, it sounds like an excuse, and it sort of is. But I'm getting there, bit by bit.

I think the most difficult thing tonight as I've been sorting through pictures has been realizing that in about an hour I will have gone through all the pictures of Adam with Carson--there simply aren't very many of the two of them. Making Carson's little picture book won't be difficult. Ugh. It tears at my heart. While I know Adam is with us and watches over our babies, it is just NOT THE SAME as if he were holding them. OR ME.

I've picked up on messages lately. Very clear impressions that come from what Adam worries about, wants for me. Those times are very sacred. I wish everyone could identify those kinds of things, just like I wish that I could feel those things constantly. And that's the interesting thing with the other side of the veil--we each experience things so differently. There is no absolute in communication or in the way the Lord allows each of us to experience our journey. It is different and difficult. I think that is the most difficult thing about meeting different widowed friends who believe differently--who don't believe in an afterlife, or who don't understand that there IS purpose to this life and all we experience.

I found this very interesting talk from Elder Dallin H. Oaks recently. I love the message on revelation, and I think most can glean something from it. It is a very meaty talk, one I have read several times and that I could read many more times and learn something new each time I read.

I also loved the talk that he gave a couple weeks ago at the CES broadcast. For me, what spoke most true was listening to his wife speak. This wife is his second wife, his first wife passed away from cancer. Kristen M. Oaks (his second wife) didn't marry him (her first marriage) until her early 50s. She mentioned (I'm paraphrasing) receiving the knowledge that she needed to be comfortable and happy while being single--that if she couldn't be happy being single that she wouldn't know how to be happy when married. It has been interesting for me to ponder. I'm sort of doing things backwards since I know what it was like to be married and happy. It's tough to learn to be happy and single. Again.

Back to sorting through pictures. While it makes me sad to know that I will be able to finish Carson's pictures, I guess it'll be good to get 1/3 of this big project done. I don't know how I will sort through 8 years of Justin's pictures. For tonight I'll focus on Carson.