How

After all three of my kids were awake last night for the second time a piece, I just lay in bed and gave up on my sleep. I talked with Adam, with Heavenly Father, and tried to reason with myself. I can't do this. Can't. I don't know what else do to. And no one else can really help. Except Adam.

Spencer has always been a bad sleeper. Adam and I tried different tactics to get him to sleep. We always joked that here we had a nursing baby who slept through the night and our two year old wouldn't. It was insane. And then the crash. And now almost 14 months later. I mean, REALLY?

Is it bad that sometimes I think God is just mean? Because that is all I could come up with overnight. The whole "just God" stuff couldn't make an ounce of logic.

I know, I was just throwing myself a pity party. I heard two different scriptures echo in my mind as I was ranting and trying to get some sleep. "All things shall work together for your good" and "I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which the Lord hath commanded."

I'm well aware that this was Heavenly Father's way of trying to calm me down. But I didn't listen. It isn't that I don't want to listen. It is just that I'm sick and TIRED. A mom can only endure newborn baby no sleep for so long and this is just out of hand. I mean, all three of them. For so many nights in a row. Ugh.

So, while in times past I've questioned the WHY for all of this, now I ask HOW. Why doesn't matter anymore, but HOW does. How am I REALLY supposed to do this. WHERE do we need to be (as I've been looking at other homes to live in to give us more space so the children aren't waking each other constantly), is there a WHO that I should be keeping my eyes and ears peeled for, WHAT is really in store for us, and WHEN. But top of the list is HOW. I really don't understand the how anymore, and it seems to me if I understood the how that maybe the rest would make sense.

Ugh.

Back to my knees.