Heart Attack

Justin told me on the drive home from school today about a bad dream he had last night.  He told me that he didn't remember much about it.  As he was getting out of the car (I had left the other two kids home with my dad so this was a good Mommy-Justin talk), I got him to stop and look me in the eyes with this discussion.  I asked him what happened in his dream, to which he replied the same response he told me with things about the crash:  "I don't want to tell you."  This time I felt I needed to press him though, so I told him he needed to tell me.  Finally he caved and with his eyes watering he said, "I had a dream that you had a heart attack and died."  Not knowing what to say to this, and realizing that I can't just shelter him from everything in life (including my own death), I told him the only thing that made sense to say to this very smart 8 year old.  "Well, I guess we gotta keep momma healthy, we need to eat healthy and exercise, huh?  Mommy doesn't want to have a heart attack."  He seemed satisfied with this answer.  But it freaked me out.  Time for more life insurance for mommy I guess.  Chalk that up for the to-do list.  And a more extensive will written I've decided.  There's just so much that goes into life it seems sometimes.

I also got out of Justin what he said to Adam right after the crash, the phrase Justin was afraid to tell me, the phrase he told me that he was too "embarrassed" to tell me.  He said that he said to Adam, "Are you awake?"  I asked him if Adam moved, made a sound, responded in any way.  He told me no.  I also asked if he touched Adam (this is a thought that has terrified my thoughts).  He also said no to that.  I'm glad.  Oh my poor sweet Justin.  He's so strong and for that I'm grateful, but I really worry about these boys.  I'm a mess and I didn't have to witness the horrifying events that these boys did.  These poor sweeties.  My poor babies.  Adam's poor babies.

Spencer is walking.  Some say YAY when they hear that.  And maybe it's the Debbie Downer in me right now that doesn't cheer.  While I'm grateful he can walk (VERY grateful), I'm pretty certain that he's going to need another surgery, one in addion to actually removing the rods in his legs.  His one leg is not only way shorter than the other, it's also sort of turned outward, like his toes are turned out.  As he's gotten faster with walking, I kind of thought that his odd gait would fix itself, but it's evident that it isn't.  I know that he'll eventually "heal completely" but it's going to be a long road to get there.  That's hard.  I'm a very impatient person by nature.  I love that (ok, and get annoyed at sometimes...) one of the last talks Adam and I studied together (he picked it out, I have kept the copies that he printed out) was Continue in Patience by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf.  It's an excellent talk and it continues to apply to me in so many ways.  If you haven't already, go read it.  You'll like it.

I think it's funny that Justin got a Star Wars book from the school library today to read for his at home 3rd grade reading logs (and that he read the whole thing today...now he needs more books for the other 2 logs due on Friday.  Sigh.).  He's a great reader and loves reading, I'm glad.  But the funny thing is...Adam knew how much I dislike Star Wars.  I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm sure he helped push the book off the shelf and into Justin's hands just to watch me roll my eyes.