"How is your day going?"

First off, I have to tell you "all" (whoever that really is--I guess I could put a tracker on here to know more about "who" actually reads this...) to take my writing with a grain of salt (which I surely hope you do).  The purpose of this blog is not to offend or direct anything to specifically any one person.  Really, this is my place to rant, to vomit all of the terrible things in my head really.  And hopefully with time, a few good things here and there, some of the good insight I'm gaining--which there is a lot.  So know that I apologize profusely for offending if I have already....but I probably won't apologize again because like I said--this IS my place to yell and get everything out of my system.  If I lived alone I might have more of an opportunity to yell (maybe curse), cry hysterically, wail, throw things, roll into a ball.  But the nature of my situation with having my little ones needing me to, um, be strong for them (and maybe prove something to myself even, that I CAN be strong) makes that literally impossible.  So THERE is my disclaimer.  Don't freak out if you see yourself in my writings because, well, just know that there are MANY of you with many things to say or do that yes, annoy, frustrate, sometimes anger me...and I know deep down that it's not any one single person's intention (at least I hope not and assume not) to cause me frustration.  Sometimes I just need a scapegoat really to let all my frustrations onto I suppose.  I don't have Adam to vent my daily struggles and frustrations anymore.  I miss those evenings when he and I could both talk about all the funny/crazy stuff that went on in our days.  So now I blog.  It's easier than calling up a different friend each day to voice these frustrations because, well, my blog can be the single consistent place I can do this.  Hopefully I don't lose too many friends over my blog, and hopefully most of you can just well, sort of get a peek into where my head is--because I assume you want to know, or you wouldn't bother reading this!:)  That is the only reason I leave this blog public really, because I get SO SICK of telling people "how I am" or "how I'm feeling."

So....the thought for today.  PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.  Instead of EVER saying the phrase "How are you?"  Try (if you can, and I know it's tough to do because we are programmed to say that phrase, I'm aware!) just to say "How is your day going?"  I know that's a longer phrase, not quite a quick greeting in passing as "How are you."  But if you aren't trying to just make pleasantries in passing (at which it is perfectly acceptable to just say "hi") and want to "know how I am"  it is MUCH MUCH MUCH more therapeutic to just say "How is your day going?"  It sounds like such a simple thing maybe.  But it's not, and I know I catch myself saying a quick "How are you" occasionally to people.  But (because yes, I AM ultrasensitive about so many things people say to me right now), know that that phrase is much more helpful to me.  Because I'm NOT fine, I WON'T be fine (for a long while anyway), there is a lot of terrible junk in my head and really, I don't necessarily want to share it with you (or anyone).  So, "How are you" is NOT therapeutic.  "How is your day?" on the other hand can give me an opportunity to just well, tell you what's going on, and "how I am" in essence...but doesn't hurt my head when I hear the phrase and make me want to scream and shout.  Does that make sense?  I hope so.  Again, please don't be offended by this suggestion, but yes, it will help me.

Thanks for listening to me rant.  Know that I DO DO DO appreciate the support of so many--all of you!  I know this is a hard thing for me to go through, but I also know that it's a hard thing to watch me go through because of that helpless feeling of "I wish there were something that I could do, but there isn't."  And I SO appreciate the kindness of so many people.  I'm in awe of the support, it's overwhelming.  I pray constantly for the Lord to bless all of you for your effort and service you have rendered in my and my boys' behalf.  Know that I really do love and appreciate all of you.