It's a good thing. I think when I can organize anything in life, I feel good. Today I went through mounds of paperwork to meet a deadline for yet another checkmark in this silly life. Today I've had to laugh at my life. Not a giddy-heehee type laugh, but more of a sarcastic-haha type laugh. I mean, where we were "supposed to be" right now was weeks away from getting our house ready to put on the market to sell. And so when I look around me and go UGH there's SO much cleaning/organizing/THROWING AWAY to do, it's well....just weird. I was SO looking forward to Adam having time last summer to get rid of things with me. It all sure came to a screeching halt. I think the weirdness will continue as time goes on, friends move, life "really" moves on and I won't be moving on with it. I'm still shuddering at the thought. This summer is going to be a huge whammy. Not sure exactly how to prepare adequately.
I have a feeling I'm going to become a bitter old woman. Some might say, rightly so. But I really don't want to be "that" woman. I DON'T. I want to be a happy woman who figures out how to move on and be happy. I have hope that I can someday, HOPE is all there is a lot of days. Not even just faith, but HOPE. LOTS of HOPE because that's all there is.
Was listening to a song called "Silver Lining" today. Wonder if there is a silver lining somewhere. Somehow. I'm still looking for that magic wand. Or a time machine. I would've been a mean mom and said no donuts. It would've been a cereal day. Or pancakes. Or ANY.THING. at home. If only Adam wasn't trying to be the sweet dad that he was. Oh, how he loved those little boys--they were wrapped around his little finger.
Even though all the kids have been home today (darn 24 hour rule for sending a kid to school that was feverish and throwing up yesterday), I can feel the boys' sickness leaving, yay. Maybe it's because the sun is shining. I guess sometimes we're just given the strength to "deal." And while I pray for that daily, somedays I just can't. Glad that today I was able to deal. Thankful for prayers, and so thankful and humbled (yet again) by the kindness and generosity of others.
4 comments:
I am so glad this week is starting out better than crappy last week. I think that sometimes having hope is the hardest part, and yet again, you are a wonderful example. Praying for you every day . .
I'm glad today was good for you. When those good days come,they are a treasure for sure. There is a silver lining, there always is, especially for someone like you. I'm sure Adam misses holding those boys so much as he watches them grow. It's hard looking back trying to figure out maybe if you did something different a life could have been spared. I have been there and when I lay there and replay all those events in detail I question and it just ends up making me stressed and sad. So, I would say for the both of us, in our different ways, that when those doubts start to creep, stay away from them... because you know where doubt comes from. Luv ya, keep hanging on!
I agree with the comment above about being a great example of hope. Thank you for sharing your journey with us so that we can learn from you.
you have been able to keep moving forward these past couple months and you will continue too. we love you and are praying for you morning and night. praying feels like it is the least we can do, but then again it is only Heavenly Father who can really know how you feel and what you need to heal and feel strong again. so, in a way maybe praying is the best thing I can do for you, I think...
glad to hear that yucky flu is going away for you!
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.