Remembered

tonight why I haven't sat down to write thank yous for a couple weeks.  I'm at that stage of "I have a bunch of names of people to thank--strangers--but no addresses."  It's a weird thing to hold cards and small notes from people who I haven't a clue who they are and know that I can't possibly thank them, that they are just "out there."  The notes from little old grandmas just got me bawling tonight.  Beautiful cursive writing that is etched in such a way that I can tell their age.  I loved that a couple notes even called themselves "Grandma" and related that they, too, were widows.  It's one of the most humbling, impossible to describe feelings to receive gifts from strangers.  Some I went as far as writing notes and addressing with just names, thinking there will have to be a way to find these people eventually.  And as good as the internet can be, so far I'm still stumped and have a giant pile of unaddressed thank yous.

And so I just pray people will know (again) of my gratitude.  That's all I can do.  And I'm doing all I can do right now.  ALL. I. CAN. DO.

Note, if I don't call you back when you leave me a message, it's because I just can't.  Know that.  Maybe eventually I will, but not now.

Just trying not to go bonkers.  There's a thin line between sanity and my patience these days.  It all gets overwhelming and I just have to throw my hands in the air and close my ears.  And go to my happy place for a few minutes.  That involves erasing a lot in my head.  It's pretty much impossible at this point--reality sunk in long ago and it's hard to pretend, even for a few minutes.

But to end on a happy note, my baby is walking.  He took lots of steps today.  It's so cute.  He's so proud of himself.  He loves to hear us all cheer for him.  It brings us smiles.

Maybe that's NOT such a happy ending to this post afterall....I'm in BIG trouble now!!