Flooding of Thoughts

I remember somewhere in my psych rotation learning about "flooding of thoughts."  I think that's how I have felt today.  A little all over the place, but then...I think that's really how this whole month has been.  Wow, almost a whole month.  It still feels like yesterday.  Really.

Spencer has been increasingly irritable, but who could really blame the kid?  I would be too if I were stuck in a body cast!  It's frustrating for him to not be able to reach every toy, his sippy cup, or sit up to eat.  The position of his body makes things very tricky.  I can only pray that his cast will come off in due time, that he's healing properly.

I got a chance to see the scans of both kids today after getting copies of them.  Wow.  They are horrific, and I'm not even a radiologist.  How I wish Adam were here to explain everything to me, as only Adam could.  Ugh.  He was good at what he did.

I hate lawyers.  Ok, not hate them...my brother will be one someday.  I strongly dislike their jobs.  I suppose I like good lawyers, but am annoyed that I get ambulance-chaser stuff in the mail.  How annoying.  But then, I also strongly dislike the media.  And I was always a news-watcher--morning, noon, and night.  After having many news people knock on my and my neighbors doors during those first few days, I now see them all very differently.  All of them.  Intrusive news-hungry beasts.

Justin and Carson had doctor's appointments today.  Carson got his 6 month shots, for today he is 6 months.  Where did the time go?  During the past month he's transformed into a big baby.  How this happened, I'm not sure.  He's been doing what I always termed as "superman," where he's basically in a pushup-ready position.  When I got him out of his bed this morning, he was alternating between that and trying to rock on his knees.  Oh, I don't know how I'm going to survive a new crawler and a child learning to walk again--both at the same time!!!  It makes me cringe thinking about it.  And Justin is to the point where he's feeling much better, but not 100%, so he has to be careful so he doesn't re-break what has healed.  The thought of him having to start from scratch also really gives me tingles.

9/11 will forever be a different kind of day for me.  Not only is it Adam's brother's and his uncle's birthdays, and of course the 9/11 that changed all Americans lives, but I will be forever switching back and forth from the flashback of a month earlier, and also between 9/11/01.  On 9/11/01, Adam and I were at the gym together, on side by side eliptical machines when we saw the news of a plane hitting the first tower.  We exercised and were horrified to watch as the second tower hit.  It was an odd day that I won't ever forget.  Now I will have a different kind of horror to think about on this day.

I've determined that the radio can be insensitive, through no thought of its own.  I heard, in order, on the radio today:

Misery
Half of my Heart
If Today Was Your Last Day

And I cried.

Really?

And I love music, but really?

Tomorrow I will have to do some very tough things.  I'd really like to be able to just stay in bed.  But just the mere fact that I have a baby to nurse quickly eliminates such possibilities that sound so nice to my tired head.

For now, I'm enjoying some delicious chocolate ice cream that was mailed to me by some sweet friends.  I never realized how comforting ice cream could be.